It might’ve seemed like he was extending her an invitation—granting her permission, even—but to Kagome’s hearing Sesshoumaru’s words had the smack of a challenge. At the sound, something like a switch flipped within her. A spark lit her eyes. A jolt of primal feeling stirred the cold, murky depths of her heart.
She felt alive as she reached out to touch his face. The surreal warmth of him bled through her clammy fingertips. Lightly she traced the crimson slashes that seemed to widen and darken beneath her downward course.
Or maybe it was just the shadow of her hand that shaped them so.
“I should have gone to Inuyasha’s grave today,” she lamented softly, as if to herself. At the corner of his lips she hesitated. “Ritual is important—you taught me that.”
“Ritual is the crutch of the undisciplined,” Sesshoumaru replied.
His gaze burned in the candlelight, a scorching greenish-gold. Kagome thought for a moment he might turn and take her fingers into his mouth, but he didn’t.
“Discipline,” she grumbled out of spite. “What’s the point of it, anyway, when everything around you is madness?”
“Discipline is vital.” With barely a flicker in the periphery of her vision, he hooked a claw through the thin, lacy bridge of her panties. “Without it, we are undone.”
Kagome tensed as his knuckle skimmed her sex, spreading the moisture brimming at her entrance in a slick upward trail. When he brushed against that crest of swollen nerves, she bucked him off and set her nails against him. She wanted to crush him to her. She wanted to skin him alive.
“I feel insane, thinking about you the way I do. I can’t stop myself—no matter what I do my thoughts always turn back to you. I think it’s because you fucked me up somehow. Or I fucked myself up because of you—I don’t know.” Kagome sucked in a shallow breath, tried to rein in her flaring aura, which was making his youki spike in turn. “I got turned on by it, that night I saw you with Mayuri—I got off on it, even. I got off on you killing her. I didn’t know it at the time, but what does that matter? I still did it. I wanted her—I loved her, and I—I—gods damn you, Sesshoumaru! Damn you for dragging me down to your level, for making me feel as sick and fucked-up as you. Now I can’t stop wanting to punish you for it all.”
Sesshoumaru’s glance was sharp, pitiless. “Punishing me won’t bring her back from the dead,” he said. “Nor Inuyasha, either. More than myself, it is your own self you can’t forgive, for your faithlessness toward them.”
Kagome’s palm cracked hard and blazing across his cheek. At the impact, his face snapped aside. Dark blood threaded from the corner of his mouth.
“That’s a vicious lie,” she spat, shaking with rage.
Sesshoumaru’s lip curled in derision. He swiped the blood from his chin, his voice low and edged.
“Do you think I never noticed how your eyes strayed to me? Long before you were married,” he said, infusing the word with special venom, “I saw your wandering gaze. To learn of your wandering hand comes as no surprise.”
Kagome scowled, giving her head a terse little shake. “You’re beyond delusional. If I looked sideways at you back then, it wasn’t because I was secretly enamored with you—it was because I didn’t trust you. The worst mistake I ever made was letting you in.” Bitterness roughened her tone as she stared heavily at him. “I’m looking right at you now, and I wish I didn’t have to. Tell it to me straight, Sesshoumaru: if I give you what you want, will that be the end of it?”
His fathomless eyes seemed to weigh her in turn. Somehow she knew the answer even before he spoke it.
“There is no end to what I want,” the demon lord said.
Inuyasha © Rumiko Takahashi
Tryna get back on the horse here, so some of these scenes may be blog-exclusive as I hash things out 😉 We’ll see. May has been a crazy month. But I did get to see my mom for the first time since the pandemic started, which was wonderful 🙂
Hope y’all are doing well and enjoying the turn of season <3
Yessss you’re back at it!! Love it, love this update! Hope all is well!
Thank you, mim! <3 <3 <3
So excited to see the update! Can’t wait to see how it all unfolds ❤
Thanks so much!! <3 <3 <3
So happy you are back! I have missed your writing! Glad you got to see your mom. I just got my second vaccine and am hoping to see my mom next weekend!
I was really pleasantly surprised by this chapter–it seems they may finally be on the verge of discussing some of the issues that have been simmering between them for months. Her feelings, his assumptions–her denial, there is a lot of fertile ground here. I hope Kagome can get it through her thick skull that Sesshoumaru is in love with her (in his own strange, twisted way) and not see this as merely a product of sexual obsession. Clearly, their accord has existed for years–I would love to see more of their earlier dynamic. Perhaps we will see their first encounter post-mating and memory wipe in That Night?
The unfortunate part is, even if they could come to some mutual understanding of their feelings for each other, there is so much buried history. His raping her, her pregnancy and unknowing abortion, his (I assume) coordinated effort to murder Inuyasha with Hirokin as proxy. How could they ever untangle it all?
I also wondered about Kagome’s final question. Is the question suggesting that if they had full intercourse his fixation with her would be satiated and they could both move on? Would she really be willing to do so? I suppose his reply made the question moot, but it made me wonder given what we’ve learned from That Night. It only took one encounter for Kagome to be impregnated by the (apparently extremely virile) Sesshoumaru last time, and it seems like his rampages have been correlated with her fertility cycle perhaps because he is called to his former mate. So, if they had sex again, would she immediately fall pregnant? I guess I’m just wondering how that element fits into all this, as it doesn’t seem like a coincidence.
Thanks again for sharing! Your writing is so wonderfully engaging.
That’s great news, Alex!! Hope you get to see your mom soon <3
Thanks so much for the kind words of support! :') <3 Your comments always get me so stoked!!
You hit on a lot of awesome points here - this is definitely the most layered story I've tackled to-date, so absolutely love hearing your thoughts as different angles and questions come into light <3 So hope you enjoy how the pieces continue to fit together! Thanks again and best wishes!! <3 <3 <3
Maybe I’m confused but I could’ve sworn she already had a life with him in the past. They were mates and they have children together. I think 3 but some how she lost her memory and some how got with inuyasha??? Or did I get that mixed up with someone else…. I can’t wait to see how this all unfolds you’re a phenomenal writer and I look forward to your updates! I literally check daily!
Hi Mimi 🙂 thanks so much!! <3 Yeah no 3 kids in the past for them in this story, so you might be thinking of another one? But yes, she definitely has memory issues here!
Thanks again and hope you enjoy the next updates!! <3 <3 <3
yess, they’re finally getting into it! she wants to justify giving in lol.
yay, welcome back!
😉
Thanks, susie! <3 Yeah the writing gears are a little rusty, but I'm happy to be getting back into things!! <3 <3 <3
Yaaaay! Glad to see you back ☺️ Kagome knows Sesshoumaru is trying to put puppies in her. She’s totally ducking him now 😂 Run Kagome (and trip) ☺️☺️☺️
XDDDD
Thanks so much, Blackberry! <3 I'm glad to be back too!! <3 <3 <3
I was soooo happy to see this update!! I’m really wondering how much information Sesshomaru is willing to give up here. Since Kagome finally admitted to thinking about him, will he finally tell her what he wants/how he feels?This conversation can honestly go so many ways.
Btw, I was re-reading last chapter and Kagome mentioned something that kinda gave me an AH-HA moment. She mentions that the way Sesshomaru was kneeling and watching her reminded her of Ikiryou.Ummmm??? HAS SESSHOMARU BEEN IKIRYOU THIS WHOLE TIME?!?! I’ve never even seen them in the same room together!! *insert Leonardo Dicaprio pointing meme*
Glad to have you back Char – I’m glad you got to see your mom after so long <3
Thanks so much, Lee!! It really was awesome getting to see my mom again <3 Good for the heart & soul 🙂
So thrilled you're enjoying the story and eager to see where Kagome & Sesshoumaru's interaction will go from here! 🙂 Hopefully I'll finally have some time to write again today & will have an update soon <3
Thanks again & best wishes! <3 <3 <3